Zombies Eat More Than 10% of Your Brain, Study Shows…..
Baton Rouge, LA-Zombie scientists working out of the Zombie Division of Louisiana State University’s Department of Neurosciences announced today during a press conference held in the basement of Hodges Hall that the results of a year-long study of zombie behavior refute the widely held belief that zombies only eat 10% of your brain.
“These results will come as a shock to the millions of tasty humans that believe zombies only eat 10% of their victims’ brains,” Lead researcher and lumbering type zombie Greg Stinson explained while chained to the podium. “Even large percentages of zombies believe it. But this exhaustive examination reveals that we actually eat 30-40% of delicious life-sustaining human neural tissue when time allows, and that any uneaten portions usually are consumed by various animal zombies. And Native American zombies are known to eat all parts of the brain.”
Dr. Mort Fishman, a fast-running zombie neurologist, has questioned the 10% myth for years. He revealed from his containment structure in the Department of Neurosciences’ underground facility that the new study is a nice confirmation of the skeptical stance but that it is unlikely to change many of the superstitious beliefs about zombies that are so prevelant amongst humans. “Undead cranks and charlatans will likely continue to push zombie self-help books and unproven herbal remedies with pseudoscientific claims of boosting a zombie’s brain eating potential. I’ve learned over my many years as a zombie that anecdotes are more powerful than any scientific study. Also I’ve learned that brains are delicious and I would very much like to eat your brain.”